Because A Normal Birth Looks Like This Too!

By Ashley Wright | February 4, 2015 4 Comments

To understand our journey to our home birth of our second child, I must quickly explain the birth of our sweet Tallulah. In December 2009 we were elated to find ourselves pregnant. We had an HMO and LOVED our prenatal care. We had never been pregnant before so we just followed all the procedures and practices of our HMO. We tried to not find out the gender but the excitement got the best of us and we found out we were having a little girl with the help of a prenatal gender DNA test Australia. It made the whole experience more exciting knowing what baby we were going to have. At 34 weeks my belly wasn’t measuring where it was “supposed” to so I had non stress tests every 3 days to monitor baby until I could get in for an ultrasound to check the baby two weeks later. All was proven to be good. Besides that, it was a completely uneventful pregnancy.

There were 5 midwives in rotation at L&D 24/7 so we alternated our prenatal visits between them all so we could be familiar. We practiced Hypnobirthing, ate well, exercised every day, did fear release exercises and, by the end, we were ready to meet our daughter. She chose August 30, 2010, as her birthday and got the party started with my water breaking at the onset of labor. Off the bat, the surges were 90 seconds apart. Eight hours, twelve flameless candles, one rockstar husband, four vaginal exams, one fight over me not wanting to wear a hospital gown, two bags of antibiotics (GBS+), one horrible nurse, one fantastic nurse, my one FAVORITE midwife, eighty-minute active labor and a second-degree tear later…MY BEAUTIFUL, 8lb 13 oz baby girl, Tallulah, was in my arms. No Pitocin. No pain medication. EXTREMELY happy mama and papa. We thought that we had an intervention-free hospital birth (HA!!) and, to this day, look back on it with reverence and awe, glee and delight. Our baby never left our side. We delayed cord clamping, postponed her bath and eye drops, began bonding and breastfeeding our amazing lil lady and left the hospital 24 hours after she was born.

The more moms I met at nursing groups, the more birth stories I heard, the more I realized, that my positive experience was the exception NOT the rule. I met woman after woman after woman that wept as they told me their story. Stories of humiliation, deception, sadness, fear and feeling so very alone. This is a terrible thing for them to experience during one of the best days of their lives, some may have even turned towards birth trauma lawyers to help them if they’ve experienced an awful birth that needs to be looked at properly by professionals. In supporting these women I found my calling as a doula. I decided to dedicate my life to making sure that I made a difference in the world one family, one mama, one birth at a time. I contacted my Hypnobirthing instructor and got a referral to a DONA, Doulas of North America, doula trainer and, after some serious encouragement from my husband and my two best friends, both of whom had intervention rich births, got my training. My goal as a doula is to make sure that NO woman I support ever looks back and says I wish I would’ve known!

Two years after Lula was born, in August of 2012, we found that we were FINALLY pregnant once again. I had just quit my day job so I could dedicate myself wholly to my family and to women as their doula. Two weeks before, we had changed our insurance from an HMO to a PPO that, after a $300 deductible, covered home birth, midwife care, and home birth supplies at 20/80 maximum out of pocket $2000.My husband and I were SO EFFING EXCITED! We knew that we wanted to have this baby in our own space. Being that we practice attachment parenting, and I still breastfed our sweet Lula, we couldn’t imagine having to leave her in the care of someone else while we left to go to a hospital to have our baby. Lula needed to be as involved, or not involved as SHE chose to be.

Being that I live in Los Angeles, I am blessed that it is not a matter of being able to find a midwife to support a home birth but rather how to narrow down the pool to just chose ONE! Ultimately, we decided on the practice that, in the doula community, had the reputation for being the most “hands off”. Different women need different things and I knew that is what I needed-to be left alone and allowed to birth my baby without any interruption.

My insurance company, Premera Blue Cross Blue Shield, ended up being totally unreliable. Although every customer service representative I spoke to was incredibly nice and “helpful”, they all told me DIFFERENT things about my coverage. To avoid any unnecessary stress, my husband and I decided to pay our Midwives up front and then submit it to insurance afterwards. Thats a WHOLE other story though so we will leave it at that. Birth is sacred. We are firmly dedicated to the reality that we deserve to chose WHERE and HOW we have our baby. Period.

Through out our second pregnancy we made many different choices then the first time. Some things just felt better this time. Some things we have done research and learned that the “benefit” did not justify the risk or simply the interference. We chose not to have any ultrasounds or genetic testing. Its an incredibly personal choice that all couples must make for themselves. We had many heart to hearts. We did a ton of research. Ultimately we agreed that we would not terminate a pregnancy no matter the results of any test. So we opted not to get them. Not that there’s anything wrong with them. Some of our friends got a portable ultrasound for when they were last pregnant, and it helped them a lot, but it just wasn’t for us.

As with my first pregnancy, my belly started measuring “behind” at 33 weeks. It was anywhere from 2-4 weeks behind. My Midwives were not at all concerned. How can ALL women, regardless of their height and build, be expected to grown bellies the same? I am 5’8″ with a SUPER long torso. I knew that I grew big babies and was not at all worried. I also decided not to take prenatal vitamins. *GASP* I know I know. It sounds so irresponsible but, unlike last time, they made me SUPER sick. I tried two different brands. I tried taking them before bed but I’d wake up an hour later and be sick all night. I have an incredibly healthy, plant based diet so after talking about it, at length, with my sister, I decided to stop trying. I also had no vaginal, or pelvic, (VE) exams. Not once in my entire pregnancy and delivery did any medical person put their hands near or in my vagina for ANY reason. I also tested GBS+. In the USA the standard protocol is to administer IV antibiotics to the mama in labor so the baby can be protected before it spends time in the birth canal and can be exposed. I did research and found that the risk of baby being affected is VERY low and the baby can be monitored and treated if needed after birth. I saw no need to subject my baby to antibiotics unless it WAS necessary. Plus I imagined this labor to be very quick with the baby being in the birth canal for a very short period of time. We also declined the eurithromycene drops for baby’s eyes. I am sure I do not have any STDs so we were good on that one.

Fast forward to April 2013. We had had our sweet Lula at 39w 2 days and so I was CONVINCED that, although the estimated due date (EDD) was May 1 based on my last menstrual period (LMP), we were having this baby the last week of April. My 39th week came and went. As my 40th week started I began getting advice from lots of people on how to get labor started. Fresh pineapple, sex, red raspberry leaf tea, walking, special salad dressing, spicy food, bouncing on ball, primrose oil, etc. We weren’t interested. Much like a piece of fruit that is allowed to ripen in the sun until it gently releases on its own, my baby would decide when and how (s)he would come earth side.

I am a firm believer in child birth education. I often hear the argument, “Women have been giving birth for hundreds of years,” but culturally, a lot has changed in the past century. Women used to be present and help other women give birth. By the time you were pregnant you had experienced the births of your mothers, sisters, cousins, and neighbors. Now a days that is simply not the case. Papa and I took the Hypnobabies course this time around. We practiced the relaxation and listened to the scripts. I also read Ina May Gaskins Spiritual Midwifery. I envisioned my labor often and I knew that I wanted to plan and prepare as much as I could, then throw all that “knowledge” out the window and allow my primal, mammalian birth goddess to take over.

On May 3, I started to lose my mucus plug, which is not an indicator of when labor will start, just that my body was ripening. Every day, every hour, every minute we were closer to meeting our sweet baby. On May 4th Papa, Lula, and I headed to the beach. We ate great food, walked around Santa Monica, played in the sand and felt the cold waters of the Pacific ocean on our feet. It was a perfect family day. We got home around 5. Lula hadn’t napped so she fell asleep at 6. Papa and I were laying in bed relaxing when I became aware of a different sensation that came rolling through regularly. It was neither painful nor uncomfortable. It just was. At 7:30pm I told Papa that he should go work out if he wanted to, you know, just in case this was something. He left, with a request from me to stop at buy a frozen veggie lasagna. A lasagna sounded SO GOOD!

I wanted to labor surrounded by flowers. I had purchased two big boquets of flowers at the farmers market so I went about breaking them into smaller bunches and putting them in small vases. I made sure to stay super hydrated while I picked up, did some light last minute cleaning, and dishes. I was SUPER excited to “maybe” be in early labor ( HAHA Who was I kidding? At 40 plus weeks this was the real deal). This is where i must acknowledge that I had two dialogues going on. That of a laboring mama Tobi and that of doula Tobi. These two sides of me never resisted each other. Doula Tobi was there to support and uplift mama Tobi.

Papa returned home around 9:00pm and we started cooking the lasagna for an hour. It was SUPER romantic. It was peaceful, a unique occurance with a toddler reigning over the house. It was quiet, except for music that papa had put on. We were blissed out. There was a calm electricity of excitement, trust, and pure love warming the room. About 9:30, I decided that I should eat a pita with lentils, avocado, tomato, and hummus instead of lasagna. If I was in labor, I would rather puke the former then the latter. Yup! I was planning my meals on what I would rather vomit.

At 10:00 I was timing the sets of pressure waves. They were about 4-5 minutes apart and I would stop talking, lean over, and rock my hips until the set was done. Again, they were not uncomfortable. Upon Papa’s request I called our Midwives answering service. Leslie, CNM, called back and said to keep her posted and let her know when they were 3 minutes apart. She was just finishing up with another mama. I let my doula know that I was in labor and that I would let her know when I needed her. I then called my birth tribe, my photographer and three of my girl friends, to head over.

Papa and I went up to our room, moved our sweet sleeping Lula from the family bed into the other bedroom and got to work putting the final touches on our birth oasis. We put fresh sheets on our bed, followed by the disposable water proof shields that came in our birth kit, followed by another fitted sheet. Then Papa inflated the birth tub as I placed 12 flameless candles throughout the room. As we worked together I’d stop every couple minutes lean over and sway to the rhythm of the beat that my baby and my body were setting. Then I’d jump right back into the conversation once the wave had washed over me.

We had planned the bed, the tub, and the floor as potential places for me to labor. Once labor got going though all I wanted to do was move my hips and squat. So Papa took my rebozo, basically a long scarf used by midwives and doulas to help mamas in labor, and strung it over the chin up bar going into our closet. It was PERFECT! I would wrap the ends around my hands and use my arm strength to allow me to dance my hips into whatever position felt good. I peacefully swayed, dipped, squatted, hung, rolled and rocked with every wave.

Lula woke up when my girlfriend arrived around 11. Lula immediately put on her “birthday tutu” aka her poofy Easter dress, and her tights. Over the next couple hours everyone arrived and we all hung out in our sweet oasis. I soaked in every bit of fantastic energy from the women I had chosen to be part of my journey. I basked in it. The excitement, trust, reverence and love was intoxicating and I drank up every bit of it. Leslie, my midwife, and her assistant arrived around 1am. When she came in I was laughing and engaged in a conversation, while standing in my rebozo adorned doorway. She commented that midwives usually don’t like to walk into a smiling mama to which my doula responded, “Yeah, but we are talking about Tobi here!”. I enjoyed the company of my complete team a while longer then I asked my 3 girlfriends to excuse themselves, we turned out the lights and i got to work.

Papa put on relaxing music from our Hypnobabies CD but I wanted more jovial music. He put on Postal Service followed by Mumford and Sons. It was perfect. Leslie checked my blood pressure and the baby’s heart rate and then sat down. For the next two hours, which seemed like 20 minutes, my team gave me the BEST gift. They did NOTHING! They did not ask me questions. They did not talk to me. They did not tell me what a great job I was doing. They allowed me to just be. Their silence was all the encouragement I needed. They were there, holding sacred space for me, believing in what I was capable of. I drank water and coconut water often. I emptied my bladder often.

At one point I wanted to try out the tub and see how it felt. Between waves I walked the seven steps and got in and dropped to my hands and knees. Then the next wave came CRASHING into me. I hopped up, leaned against the wall, and rocked my hips. I dropped back down and relaxed. I used the finger drop technique from my Hypnobabies class. I relaxed and went deeper with every breath. I expected the water to feel great! I read all these stories on Birth Without Fear (BWF) where women felt AMAZING as soon as they entered the water. I was shocked to realize that was NOT the case for me. I just felt like a large animal in a small cage. I NEEDED to move. In that moment, it took way more concentration and energy for me calm myself with hypnosis then with movement. So after, I am guessing 10 minutes or so, I declared that I was going to get out…after the next wave.Then, with a 3 second notice, I PUKED into a wastebasket (No way I was going to defile my beautiful tub). It was MARVELOUS! So many feelings came over me at once. I heaved probably six or seven POWERFUL times. Doula Tobi and mama Tobi were having a party in my head! Was this transition?!?! Whatever it was, doula Tobi was telling mama Tobi that my cervix was opening up with every purge. I knew my cervix was opening, wide, unfolding like a BEAUTIFUL lotus flower and my sweet, wise, powerful baby would be here soon. All the while I was trying to be totally limp, (try doing that when your puking), and relax my butt. My pita dinner, along with all my water, was expelled from my body so I could really get serious about meeting this baby. After I finished I said, “Thats SUCH a great sign. My body is opening up. But its hard to keep my butt relaxed.” Everyone laughed and my doula said I was the most positive person she ever met.

I got out of the tub and returned to MY spot and continued to surrender to each wave. I vocalized in low tones. I talked to my baby the entire time. I told my baby that (s)he was doing a great job, that I was proud of him/her, encouraged him/her to come down. I welcomed each wave. I imagined that I was bobbing around effortlessly in the ocean. My baby was setting the magnetic pull that was controlling the ebb and the flow. My only job was to relax and surrender. I was, at most uncomfortable, never in pain. At one point my doula put peppermint essential oil on my neck because I was SO hot (doula Tobi geeking out because that is another sign of transition) and it magically and wonderfully cooled me down. Then I said to my doula, “I am ready to be at the pushing out part,” and she skillfully replied, “then be there.” With that I gave a teeny push at the end of that wave.

When the next wave rolled in, my body involuntarily pushed. In a split second WOOSH my water broke, I felt my baby slide way down and I felt like I had to poop. My first thought was that I was going to poop then have my baby, followed, a nanosecond later, by the realization that I was experiencing rectal pressure (doula Tobi doing back handsprings and toe touches!). It was a long, powerful wave. My tribe came running back into the room, my midwife came over, helped me out of my shorts and kept her hand supporting the baby’s head which was just crowning. My eyes were shut and I focused on relaxing and riding the wave. Leslie and my doula told me that if I wanted to have the baby in the water I had to go immediately. I replied that I couldn’t get to the tub-honestly a head was coming out of my vagina and my body was pushing so the idea of me walking, even seven steps was outrageous to me. Then the wave rolled past me and I RAN-okay in reality it was probably more of a wide stanced quick waddle-to the pool and got in. I lowered onto my hands and knees with my head nearly resting on the side of the pool. Then everything slowed way down. I regulated my breath. I felt the sensational touch of my husband and heard his velvet voice tell me I was amazing. I clearly heard my doula tell me everything was okay, that I was okay. I relaxed my face, brow, jaw, mouth, every part of me down to my butt. I felt my baby moving down within me. I was free of fear. I felt no discomfort, no ring of fire, no pain. I talked to my baby. I told my baby (s)he was doing a great job. That I was proud of him/her. I reach in between my legs and could feel my baby’s hair. My doula suggested to my husband that he hop in the tub behind me which he quickly did. Lula ran to go wake up her bonus great grandma that lives with us. My world slowed down a beat more. Doula Tobi and birthing Goddess Tobi were together. Between waves I breathed the baby’s head out most of the way (THANK YOU Hypnobabies!). With the next wave the head was out. The head was born into my hand reaching down from the front and my husbands hand reaching from the back. I rarely stopped talking to my baby the entire time. And with my next breath the body slid out, into the hands of my amazing husband.

“MY BABY IS BORN!” I exclaimed repeatedly as I flipped over to meet our baby. Papa was so wrapped up in the moment he forgot to check if we had our first boy or if we were blessed with another girl. “SHE’S A GIRL!”. I pulled her towards me and kissed her sweet little purple fingers. “You’re so tiny. I am so so so sorry that have been calling you a boy for the past 5 months. I love you. I love your sister. I am so in love with your father.” Then I turned to Papa, “I am proud to be the mother of your children. CHILDREN??!?!?! We have childREN!”. Lula came running in and stared in awe at her sister. Baby was allowed to find her breath on her own and clear her own fluids from her mouth and nose. She quickly grew from purple to pink.

My water broke at 3:30 am. Baby girl was born at 3:35am. The placenta was born at 3:40. We decided to do a full Lotus Birth, which is when you do not cut the cord. You leave the placenta, cord and baby intact until the cord naturally releases. We moved from the tub to our bed. My doula reminded me that I did not have to worry about the GBS because baby had so little time in the birth canal. Baby girl started nursing as my midwife checked me. I had a very minor abrasion. I could choose to have one stitch OR commit to taking it easy to allow myself to heal. Are you kidding me? No stitch for me, thank you very much. My guess is that most women would choose to have stitches in that situation. Not because they won’t take it easy for a while afterwards, but because they are worried about their vagina becoming “loose”. There is a myth about women that the tighter the vagina, the better, but this is simply not true! A tight vagina is good of course, but if it’s too tight then it can actually cause lots of problems.

My midwife showed me how to press on my uterus to encourage it to contract. I took a shower while Papa and the midwife rinsed the blood off the placenta. Then the midwife got busy checking baby out. Remember the baby I thought was so so tiny? Yeah, she was 8 pounds 14 ounces, 21.75 inches long. Papa and I decided our second daughter’s name would be Cataleyah. I snacked on kettle corn while everything was wrapped up, Papa walked the midwife out to her car, and then we all snuggled up to take a nap together, for the first time as a family of four.

When people ask how my birth went, the one word that feels the most appropriate is that is felt so very normal. We woke up, went to the beach, came home, had a baby, and went to bed. Undisturbed birth was beautiful for me. I felt empowered, respected, loved, honored and fiercely strong. My sweet Cataleyah was born into this world with dignity, love, peace, reverence, and respect. And so it is.