I Know My Worth. Back Then I Didn’t
I was in a relationship with a guy for almost two years. The first year was good…lots of laughs, dinner dates, outings and long romantic nights. At first, he treated me with the utmost respect and we rarely had a disagreement. But I knew something was wrong when he introduced me to his “best friend”.
She seemed kind of distant like she was annoyed at me for something, but I overlooked it thinking she’d just had a bad day. Months passed and I finally put two and two together. He had been cheating on me with her just about the entire relationship, and a lot of other girls too. I have seen relationships break down because of cheating in the past – one time the male had to request a paternity test Bellevue because they had a child together – so my first thought was to leave, but like a lot of females, I gave him another chance because I was so “in love” with him. He promised to never do it again, but he did.
Constant, lies, cheating with a bunch of different women, him taking me for granted; this led to a lot of arguments and him accusing me of cheating because of his guilty conscience. I was so stressed with everything that I dropped out of nursing school because I’d let it affect my grades. Back then, I had no way of controlling my stress levels. Nowadays, I would go to https://www.ebdelivers.co/deals and find some cannabis to help me overcome it. Anyway, he claimed that ALL of my male friends weren’t really my friends and that they just wanted to have sex with me. My friends and mom kept telling me to leave him alone but I ignored them.
My mother’s and I relationship had gotten so bad that I stopped speaking to her altogether… Yep. He turned me against my mother and some of my friends. One day it got extremely bad. He hit me so hard that I literally felt the wind leave my body. I ran in the bathroom and cried my eyes out.
Scared… angry… confused… But mostly scared because I had never seen that side of him before. I kept asking myself “what did I do wrong?” “Why did he do that to me, the girl he claimed he wanted to make his wife?” Of course he apologized and swore to never do it again, and of course I stayed.
Weeks went by then months, and everything was good until, he got upset at me again and hit me. This went on over a period of about six months; hitting, pushing, threatening to leave me, etc. And through it all I stayed.
I kept blaming myself for his actions. I really thought that it was my fault. I would always say “I will get him to believe that I had been faithful to him and only him,” but it didn’t work.
One night last October, I broke up with him. Told him I was tired of his shit, abuse, lies, and I was gone. He changed into a completely different guy. He blew my phone up, texting and calling leaving voice mails, apologizing for everything he’d done, asking to start over, swearing to God that he’d get his act together. He showed up to my doorstop the next morning begging me to take him back. And I did. That was my worst mistake. Things got better for a while, until he came home again in December from working offshore.
He came to my apartment and we got into argument about my phone being on vibrate and I didn’t even know it was. Let’s just say that that night, he whooped my ass. He punched, kicked, slapped, chocked me, dragged me around my apartment by my hair, ripping my robe off of me, etc.
I really thought he was going to kill me! And the whole time I’m staring at a child in the corner of the room watching the whole thing.
I’m begging him to stop, begging for my life and he wouldn’t. I kept praying to God asking him to help me out of this one and promising Him that I wouldn’t look back.
This abuse lasted for about 3 hours straight, until about 2am. I finally got him to think that I was having chest pains just so we could get out into the public, and he took me to the hospital. It’s so crazy because his whole demeanor changed again.
He helped me get dressed, carried me downstairs to the car, made sure I had a blanket because it was cold out.
He acted as if he wasn’t just beating my ass a few minutes ago.
When we arrived at the hospital, he didn’t leave my side not once, which made it extra hard for me to go to someone for help. Even with being bruised and looking like a thrown away person, no one even looked twice at me or asked him to leave the room. The doctor gave me a prescription and sent me home.
As soon as we got back upstairs to my apartment, he looked at me and said, “I don’t even know why I’m tripping,” then he took my keys to my apartment and left, leaving his child there with me. This was God helping me out. I finally got in touch with my sister and she rushed to get me. We grabbed what we could as fast as we could and left.
When he pulled up, my sister gave him his child but he actually thought I was going back upstairs with him. My face, arms and back was bruised, lip and eye was swollen. I couldn’t even stand to look at myself in the mirror. You would’ve thought I had been in a boxing match.
I stayed the morning at a friend’s house and made a promise to myself to never go back, and I didn’t. He started off calling apologizing, sending flowers and cards, all in an effort to get me back. During this time, I ended up losing my job at the hospital, rent was due, all of my utility bills were due, my phone got disconnected, my car stopped working, everything just continued to fall apart, but I didn’t relapse.
I somehow found the strength to start putting my life back together. Or, rather, I found the strength to rebuild my life completely. I started to look for an apartment, which was time-consuming to say the least. Check out the Vintage apartments if you’re looking – they weren’t suitable for me at the time but they are amazing! I also found a temporary job and fixed my car. I was doing my best.
Now that I had moved on with my life, he had an agenda to make my life miserable. The legalities of the break up were bad enough and I’m so glad there are legal firms like Peters and May who offer emotional as well as legal support as I sure needed it. Check out the Peters And May homepage if you’re in need of support like this. In addition to this, I went through months of court appearances and restraining orders, “anonymous” threatening phone calls, drive bys, him sending people and the police up to my boyfriends job, him putting people up to filing false police reports against my boyfriend, etc. None of this worked!
I found a God-fearing man who is now my husband, the same guy who was with me through all of the drama. He loves and cherishes me like his own body. I went back and finished school, found a promising career and my relationship with my mother is getting stronger and stronger. Now I’m genuinely happy and experience a joy that I’ve never experienced before.
I wanted to share my story first because I never told anyone else besides my close friends and mom. I once said that I’d never be a victim of domestic violence. That if I ever found myself in that situation I’d fight back, or if a man ever cheated I’d leave. But I’m living proof that it’s a whole different story when you’re actually a victim.
I now know my worth, back then I didn’t.
I put up with a lot even when I saw all the warning signs in my face. I let him brainwash me thinking that everything was my fault. I was so stressed and stuck on pleasing him that I forgot about my own health and happiness. I beg you, don’t be like me.
If you’re going through an abusive relationship, don’t stay. Don’t wait until it gets worse, because IT WILL and it could mean your life. KNOW YOUR WORTH!
Don’t ever let a man or a woman tell you otherwise. When you get out, STAY out! Never fall in love with someone’s potential. If they are not treating you right, right now, they won’t do it later. Not looking back will be the best decision you could ever make. I know it’s mine!!
-Domestic Violence Survivor
Audrey J.
