Today Was Full of Neglect
Today was full of neglect.
It started off okay… Set some food out (yes as if she was a pet), set up the tablet (to allow her vision and brain cells to fry) and handed candy to her whenever she got bored to keep her away from me while I did “whatever” I felt was necessary at the time.
She poured a giant bag of blue corn chips on the floor, on the bed, and consistently begged me to hold her and play with her. I left the chips there for hours. I shoved her away to handle phone convos.
I quickly became frustrated with my experiences today; I shut her out even more. 10 hours into being neglected, she tucked herself into the bed and went to sleep. Food and clothes still all over the floor.
I’m sitting alone in the living room confused and flustered. I begin to finally start picking up the mess. She wakes up crying, eyes shut, tears down her eyes “Mommy!! Mommy!” I’m standing right in front of her. Watching… Listening.
I open up my hands and arms to receive her. She held me tight as I placed her head on my left shoulder. She hugged me more.
I held her tighter and said,
“I’m sorry… mommy is so sorry.”
She went back to sleep as I sat down on our floor chair filled with clothes and things out of place. Tears rolling down my face.
We began to breathe in unison… 3 hours in, Lights still on, Chips on the floor, crumbs on the bed and no showers to be taken… I dare not move her. I dare not hurry to do something else. She deserves me now.
Everything else will have to wait.
Thankful for the lessons.
