How To Argue With Kids In The Room – Fight A Better Fight at Home

By Ashley Wright | January 19, 2014 2 Comments

I think many parents question whether or not it is okay to argue in front of children; and if it is okay how do we go about it. After having read an article in the Personal Journal (Health and Wellness) written by Andrea Petersen, I decided to share some of what she wrote along with my two cents on my personal experiences.

The article states, “Should we fight in front of the kids? The answer is complicated. Child psychologists who study the issue tend to say yes – if parents can manage to argue in a healthy way. That means disagreeing respectfully and avoiding name-calling, insults, dredging up past infractions, or storming off in anger for starters.”

I totally agree with this. Children will have disagreements and run into conflict; throughout their entire life. Constructive conflict management is key! And who better to teach them this? Their parents. I believe that if children don’t witness disagreements and how they are handled in constructive ways, they are not well equipped to address inevitable conflict in the world.

Studies have linked constructive conflict with the healthy development of children’s problem solving, coping skills, and even happiness. Unhealthy conflict -characterized by hostility, threats and insults – have been linked to greater risk of anxiety disorders, depression and behavior problems, and children may even look up things like CBD oil UK law when they’re adults as a potential solution to help them cope with their thoughts and feelings. These behaviour problems could also manifest into taking part in illegal activities, such as drug abuse. Further down the road if this becomes a serious issue it may potentially lead to them having to check in to some Colorado rehabs or ones more local to them if preferable. This may be an expensive and traumatising experience and certainly, no parent will want their child to go through such situations. So, when arguments or fights starts to become too frequent, it is best that the parents should seek counselling fitzroy north, for instance, if that is where they live. A therapy can help bridge gaps between the two people in a relationship, which can be beneficial for the entire family.

In fact, even infants can be affected when they’re sleeping! The article further states, “A study published in May in the journal Psychological Science took 24 babies from 6 to 12 months old and exposed them to various tones of voice (very angry, mildly angry, happy and neutral) while they were lying asleep in an fMRI scanner. Those infants in families with higher levels of conflict between spouses in parts of the brain associated with reactions to stress and emotion regulation when exposed to the very angry voices during the study… The idea of it being a time to let loose when infants are asleep is probably not accurate.”

I personally never think it is okay to angrily let loose on anyone; especially not your partner, friends, and family who love you much. Verbal and physical abuse obviously doesn’t just affect you mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually but also your children who are around awake AND asleep. The last thing we need is more angry children because of abusive parents who refuse to learn how to constructively address one another on all topics. No one is implying you be perfect and never have an argument. It is suggested you have arguments that are healthy, in which you seek to understand, don’t yell and scream at each other, and most certainly not put your hands on one another as a form of punishment. And in case, a person is subjected to physical or verbal abuse frequently, it’s best that they seek the help of a family solicitor, such as Jennifer Croker, and move forward with divorce.

Having left an abusive relationship, I can recall stories of what he saw as a child and how he reenacted them upon me, Shannon, his other son and even family members.

Be the courageous one to stop the cycle!

Below and in the picture are some suggestions to constructive conflict.

• Have the Timer – Set a cutoff for arguing. One expert suggests identifying on a scale of 1 to 10 the point when anger causes spouses to lose control. When someone reaches that point during a conflict, table the fight.

• Read Your Child – Look for signs of distress: crying, freezing up, trying to intervene or misbehaving to draw attention away from the fight.

• The Baby Can Hear You – Don’t fight in front of babies and think they wont be affected. Research shows infants regularly exposed to fighting experience stress responses and neurological changes.

• Unified Front – Some topics should be off-limits in front of the kids. Avoid arguing about serious relationship issues and parenting decisions like limits on screen time.

• Don’t Shut Down – Avoid the silent treatment. It can be worse for kids than arguing. They end up confused and may think the problem is much more serious.